The Unattainable Man

So I am sitting here eight days post tonsillectomy surrounded by trashy tabloids, studying material, ice water, and product samples I have yet to try. I haven't accomplished one damn thing since I have been recovering! I'll I have done is sit around and mope about him. All this time I thought I wanted the unattainable man. I wanted the one man on earth who would never settle down for anything. Then I realised it was me who was the unattainable one. I mean really this fabulous guy comes into my life...he is smart, attractive, funny, cultured, and he wants me. What do I do about this? I lie to him, betray him, and push him away... not once, but twice. He would have given me everything that he could, why wouldn't I just open up to him. He was willing to give up everything and come here to live with me in New Orleans because that is what I wanted. Not even once did I fancy the idea of what he wanted. What would be best for his career? Would he be happy here? I just assumed I would be enough, but how could I have been enough when he doesn't even know who I am? It's my fault he doesn't know me. Well, he knows a little about me but it's what he didn't know about me that tore us apart. He now considers me shady, I understand this...I just wish I would of done something about it at the time. I had the chance. I went to all the way to California to tell him exactly how I felt about him, but when I got there I didn't. I arrived drunk, and left angry. Angry that I didn't just tell him that I loved him. And then tell him everything. So now I am here at my desk, thinking about all of the good times. Thinking of him. Thinking of what could have been. I believe my broken heart hurts much worse than my throat...and there is no pain medication for that.