Whatever It Takes

A strangled smile fell from your face

It kills me that I hurt you this way

The worst part is that I didn't even know

Now there's a million reasons for you to go

But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what's at stakeI know that I've let you down

And if you give me a chance

Believe that I can change

I'll keep us together

Whatever it takes

She said if we're gonna make this work

You gotta let me inside even though it hurts

Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see

She said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be

You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me

I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what's at stake

I know that I've let you down

And if you give me a chance

And give me a break

I'll keep us together

I know you deserve much better

Remember the time I told you the way that I felt

And that I'd be lost without you and never find myself

Let's hold onto each other above everything else

Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what's at stake

I know that I've let you down

And if you give me a chance

Believe that I can change

I'll keep us together

Whatever it takes

* This is the lyrics to Lifehouse's song "Whatever it takes". I love this song...and it goes with my current situation. I'm hoping for the best!

Woo Hoo!

Tonight, for the first time since December 26, 2007, I ate solid food! At dinner, I was able to eat two slices of cheese pizza from my FAVORITE pizzeria! This is the happiest I have been in quite some time :)

The Unattainable Man

So I am sitting here eight days post tonsillectomy surrounded by trashy tabloids, studying material, ice water, and product samples I have yet to try. I haven't accomplished one damn thing since I have been recovering! I'll I have done is sit around and mope about him. All this time I thought I wanted the unattainable man. I wanted the one man on earth who would never settle down for anything. Then I realised it was me who was the unattainable one. I mean really this fabulous guy comes into my life...he is smart, attractive, funny, cultured, and he wants me. What do I do about this? I lie to him, betray him, and push him away... not once, but twice. He would have given me everything that he could, why wouldn't I just open up to him. He was willing to give up everything and come here to live with me in New Orleans because that is what I wanted. Not even once did I fancy the idea of what he wanted. What would be best for his career? Would he be happy here? I just assumed I would be enough, but how could I have been enough when he doesn't even know who I am? It's my fault he doesn't know me. Well, he knows a little about me but it's what he didn't know about me that tore us apart. He now considers me shady, I understand this...I just wish I would of done something about it at the time. I had the chance. I went to all the way to California to tell him exactly how I felt about him, but when I got there I didn't. I arrived drunk, and left angry. Angry that I didn't just tell him that I loved him. And then tell him everything. So now I am here at my desk, thinking about all of the good times. Thinking of him. Thinking of what could have been. I believe my broken heart hurts much worse than my throat...and there is no pain medication for that.